I don't know if you notice it on my face when my head jumps to the past for a second and I'm transported back in time.
I don't know if you notice that sometimes I look at you and expect to see someone else.
I don't know if you notice when I kiss you because kissing is easier than talking and I'm scared of what I might say.
I don't know if you notice when I smile at you inside my soul is screaming at me to run away.
I don't know if you notice when I touch you with my fingertips full of wonder that I'm scared and fascinated by the newness of you.
I don't know if you notice that with every graze of your cheek I could cry for my loss.
I don't know if you notice when I look at you and say nothing, I'm saying everything all at once.
I don't know if you feel it when I look into your eyes, I see myself.
I don't know if you notice what my tongue is really searching for when it's wrapped around yours.
I don't know if you feel my hunger for you when I grab your back and you feed me with every moan.
I don't know if you notice when you're fucking me I'm right there with you but also a million galaxies away.
I don't know if you know that you are both exactly what I need and the last thing I feel I deserve.
I don't know if you know that I think a piece of my heart is gone forever but I've discovered a new part thanks to you.
I don't know if you know that with every moment of happiness we have together, it's mixed with a tinge of guilt that's so sickening and delicious that I can't and don't want to let it go because it's mine.
I don't know if you know how much I want to play with you to feel the sparks of electricity shock me to my my core and wake me up from myself.
I don't know if you realise that when I turn and catch you looking at me it's like someone has turned on a light.
I don't know if you know with every orgasm you give me a wave of consciousness overwhelms me and I want to climb inside your skin.
I don't know if you know how much I feel and see.
I feel the happiness in your tears.
I see the pain in your laughter.
I see the thoughts and flickers of ideas as they happen in your eyes.
I feel.
Everything.
Always.
It's a gift and a curse.
I don't expect or want you to understand the universe full of stars, planets, past lifetimes, lost souls, forgotten dreams, burning desires, unspoken burdens, undiscovered thoughts I carry inside me.
But I want you to know that I feel these things every second of every minute of every hour of every day.
So when you ask me, as you so lovingly do, how I am, please understand that there is no way to answer you with words.
I am rebuilding.
I am going through a revolution.
I'm taking my first steps into what could be a new life in a new world with new eyes.
I know one thing.
When you look at me you see me.
Through me.
Inside me.
I'm naked with you in every way and it feels right.
I didn't stand a chance.
I laugh at myself when I thought I could control it.
I've fallen.
Fallen from a great great height, from the clouds straight down to earth in love with you.
I love you.
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